Home Sweet Home

Growing up I lived in the same house for all of my life (that I could remember, that is.) The last few years I've moved around a ton - into a dorm, into a new dorm, back home, to Africa, back home, into an apartment, to a great friend's house, and now to Kenya. As much as I'm looking forward to moving somewhere and living there for more than a few months I'm feeling very settled in to my new digs.

Our front door. I love the flower beds. Shadrach and Ellie love to climb on the chairs and look at me while I look out the window

My roommate Carolyn in our living room. (Unfortunately I forgot to tell her I was taking the picture...) The kitchen table faces the window and it's an awesome spot to work.

The kitchen. Note the freshly baked bread in zliploc bags on the counters and the very much beloved coffee maker and hot pot.

Laundry area of the kitchen. Our washer is great and our clothes get hung up to dry outside, one of my favorite chores. Being outiside, wrangling a big, wet, sheet, figuring out which clothes pins have decided to work.

My bedroom. The blue mosquito net makes my night.

My desk in the corner of the room. Love it.

View from the door to my room.

One of the greatest blessings of being here is the wonderful surroundings. The outside is beautiful and the inside is sweet and very much home already. I often think of the idea that home should be an oasis and coming home here feels that way.

Well, I'd write something profound but I'm tired and I'm getting up at some ridiculous hour of the morning to watch part of the Steeler game with some of the missionaries (some of whom like the Colts! So sad...) Anyway, so I think I'm gonna go to bed now.

Love to you all!
Joanna

Happy Birthday Shadrach!

Today I learned some things.

I learned about the fact that I can, in fact, do pushups. I learned that P90X hurts when you haven’t done enough workouts in between trips to Africa. I learned a few new cultural nuances. I learned some new medical terms. I learned a little more about teaching.

But the part about today that I think I’ll remember for the longest time is that today I learned about evil.

We like to pretend that it’s not there, that there’s no such thing as a battle. We read about it in books (The White Witch, The Wicked Witch of the West, etc) but it feels far away. Today I saw the battle, it’s a sobering and hard place to be. I met a baby today who is so sick and malnourished and abused. So tiny at 2.5 years old that I think I know some kids who were born outweighing her. She has a brittle bone disease that will make her life more challenging. It was heartbreaking, to see what had happened to her. I don't want to blame anyone, I just need to grieve that such a sad thing has happened. I just want to lift this little one up to the savior.

The world is broken. Evil exists. For some reason I don’t understand it is allowed to continue. Romans says that “the whole creation is groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up until the present time.”

These are the moments when all I can say is in the words of an old song we used to sing at Jacob's Porch "Come, Lord, quickly, come" and grieve the brokenness and bentness of our world.

But I also saw hope today. I saw hope because today we celebrated the birthday of a sweet little man named Shadrach. God provided a loving family for him and a home that is stable and where he’ll be safe. Even though it’s easy to look out at the masses and despair, I’ll keep holding onto the pinprick of hope that I see. Much has gone wrong, so many babies are dying and hurting, there is so much restoration left undone, but today, I see hope in the faces of Shadrach, Esther, and Ellie. And I even saw hope in the little one who came through Tenwek at 10 pounds and 2.5 years – she is going to a wonderful orphanage where she’ll be loved and cared for an someday she’ll be given a home just like Esther, Ellie, Shadrach, and Hannah have. There is hope for these lives. And there is hope for each of ours.

Three ladies outside my apartment hanging out on a tree. They're also all in my 4th and 5th grade art class. Today we had "tea and crumpets" in the apartment and my roommate did a very convincing English accent as she served the pretend food. I struggled with the accent so I focused on my curtsies.

A lymeric (spelling?) written by one of my other art students. I was really impressed by his poetry... I certainly couldn't manage all of that structure!

Three of the Tewnek teenagers - the two in the front are some of my three Pre-Algebra students. Those guys are all tons of fun! (Though they think a lot of my music is lame)

Ellie showing off her big smile!

Me holding Esther (aka Eh-der aka Anne of Green Gables. Really, if they had a part for 1 year old Annes, Esther would nail the audition.) She loves cuddles too and I'm making the most of that.

Shaddy with his brand new Tonka truck. The ladies at my church were so generous - I took 2 suitcases of donations with me, including the Tonka Truck which is being played with and loved by a newly two year old boy :)

Ellie wasn't so into the whole cupcake thing, unless her dad fed it to her. She's a little goofball.

Esther, on the other hand, was all about cupcakes. She LOVES to eat

Shaddy getting to dive into the wonders of the birthday cupcake

My wonderful roommate Carolyn and Esther in front of our apartment 5-plex

May you see the pinprick of hope in your every day, may there be majesty in the mundane, and know that "the joy of the journey is enough to make a grown man cry"

Joanna

In Kenya!

Chamague!

In Kipsigis that is the traditional greeting. It translates to “Do you love yourself” and the answer (Mising) means “yes, very much.” I’m enjoying getting back into Kenyan culture, even if I find myself a little out of my depth. Being out of my comfort zone is challenging, which is good for me, even if it makes my knees knock together sometimes.

I arrived in Kenya last Tuesday and was so glad to be met by Amy Bemm at the baggage counter! They’d lost one of my bags and having someone to help me figure out all of the crazy that had to happen to get it sent out here was such a huge blessing. Once we’d gotten all of that sorted we headed off to shopping and lunch and (at last) the long drive to Bomet. Luckily I slept through most of the three hours and enjoyed the nap tremendously. Once I arrived I spent most of the evening unpacking and settling in. Last night I hung the last of the pictures that needed to get put up in my room so it feels very much like home in here. It’s so fun to look next to me and see pictures of my family hanging on the wall.

Life in Africa is, by necessity, slower than life in the states. I’ve decided that I’m going to enjoy the time that it takes to do simple things and to find God in the mundane work of washing dishes, bleaching vegetables, hanging wash out to dry, and doing daily battle with the internet. Being thankful for small things and being faithful in doing them has been my greatest learning curve this week and one I think I’ll be working on mastering for a long time yet. I have been blessed with a very neat roommate (a necessity as I can be a major slob) and somehow knowing that Carolyn will appreciate it if the dishes are cleaned up makes it infinitely more enjoyable to do it. Since so much of my time has been spent puttering around the house I’m very thankful that it’s been so pleasant!

I have especially enjoyed my time with the kiddos around the compound. Everyone is bigger than they were last year, most notably Hannah who is getting tall and lanky. My days of being taller than that girl are numbered and I’m glad she’s 4 so I’ve still got a few years of height and weight advantage while tickling left! The three new babies at the Bemm house are tons of fun – Joshua Shadrach (Shaddy), Elizabeth Mercy (Ellie) and Esther Gloria (Esther). Each has their own wonderful quirks and personality and I’ve enjoyed hanging with them in the little nook between the Bemm house and the apartment made by a little valley. The cuddles are quite wonderful.

As for life at the hospital I hope to begin regularly attending Morning Report and rounding (sometimes) as well. Watching surgeries is a great passion of mine, especially cleft palates and stuff in the eye ward. Opthalmology is wonderful because you give someone back their sight, which is incredibly rewarding. Things continue to move along research wise as well and I’m slowly ticking off my list of people to meet with, documents to compose, and things to do before getting started on the study itself.

Well, it’s off to make some Thai Curry for dinner. Indian food is easy to come by here and I’m sure that by the time it comes to leave I’ll have developed a huge appetite for curry. :)

In Him,
Joanna

World Traveller?

I thought it might be fun to post a map of the places I've been so far on this crazy journey. I've been to places in blue and lived in places in red. :) Hope you all enjoy maps as much as I do... or maybe not... because if there's a way to love maps too much... I think I found it... oops.



Sometimes I think that I'm well travelled. I've been to 5 of 6 continents, blah blah blah. But then I look at the map and I see all the places I haven't been! Even in the countries the maps say I've visited, I've generally only been to a city or two. I don't know every nook and cranny of the place. I haven't explored the variety of restaurants, haven't found the best park or looked for an apartment. I went, saw the sights, did service projects, and left. It's broadening to go somewhere new and I love love love the adventure of traveling. Simultaneously, though, I love being home. We can spend a lifetime getting to know the people closest to us. It's an adventure without an end, a joyous pursuit into the soul of another. To be honest, it's the kind of travel I'm most excited about these days.

Moving to Africa

It's funny, reading back through this blog, especially the last post I wrote about leaving Kenya. I'm so surprised that God has done a marvelous work in the last year and has provided me with blessings that I didn't even begin to imagine. I am now moving to Africa. (gulp) There are some wonderful things and some crazy circumstances. Most days I feel like my feet aren't quite on the ground, and I think that's okay. Here's some of what's happening....

• Finances are looking good. I have enough money for the year, I think, with a little left over for things that I'm not aware of now. Praise the Lord for his provision for funding when I didn't even ask for it!
• My packing list grows daily and I'm starting to wonder how many crates are going to be going with me to Kenya... (and how much the airline is going to charge me!)
• I have a 13 hour layover in London on September 12 to fritter away and I wonder how I'll choose to spend my precious European hours
• Logistics continue to dog me, from getting approvals from Tenwek and Ohio State, to figuring out the nitty gritty of enrollment, a semester switch, etc. I met with a wonderful advisor today in the Honors and Scholars center and she passed my case to another coworker who is taking over as the financial aid contact. I wonder how big the "Joanna Daigle" file is...
• 
  

I'm adjusting to life as a vagabond. I moved twice between 10 months and 2 years and didn't move again until college. In the last two years I've moved five times and I'll be moving again! My bedroom at home looks incredibly bare as the last boxes have been sorted through. It's teaching me a simpler way of living and, if I were smarter, it'd be teaching me a lot about staying organized.

There are moments when I realize I'm going to Kenya and I cry. I can hardly believe how blessed I am to be able to go "home" to Kenya with a dear friend and a new roommate who I get to meet, a doctor named Matilda who is a wonderful godly woman and a great mentor, and my Africa family to meet me with three new additions! What an amazing God we serve!

And then there are the other moments. I've been feeling overwhelmed lately and, honestly, frightened at times. Kenya is a beautiful place but it is also a smelly place. It is a place where diseases progress farther than they do in the USA and a place where sanitation is not as good. It is a place that is utterly far away from my family and I know I'll miss them. Moving to Africa sounds scary sometimes. But I've found comfort too, in the kindness of the savior.

You see, we went and watched a terrible play yesterday. Yeah, I know, a sacreligious play that we thought would be respectful doesn't sound like a time to have a breakthrough, but it was. Jesus Christ, Superstar is about the Passion but it protrays Jesus as sniviling and Judas as a hero. Gross. In one scene the sick come to Jesus in ghost-like rags and ask him to be healed. It's a creepy song and the characters come at him until he is surrounded and completely covered by their wailing shapes. He then has a moment of "ach! I can't do this!", proclaims "heal yourselves" in a loud voice (well said.... or not), and rushes into the loving arms of a certain Mary Magdalene. Right. So. Not something I'd have expected or hoped to see. But I was surprised. I'd never thought of Jesus being overwhelmed and he wasn't. Jesus could look at everyone and see a person with dignity, which is a goal of mine I feel like I largely fail at because I tend to be rather preoccupied with avoiding looking stupid, among other things. That's reflection A. Reflection B is that Jesus didn't run to Mary Magdalene for comfort and strength. He actually ran to the Father. I don't do that well enough. I'm working on instituting some spiritual disciplines into my life and some practical disciplines as well (it's time to be a big girl and make my bed.) I hope that in these coming days I'll learn more and more of what it is to derive my strength from the Father and to shun the idea of doing anything on my own.

May we all be empty vessels, at his disposal.

Joanna

Musings

Here's my Brain Potluck that I served myself this morning... In reality I was sipping on coffee... but hey, it's nice to think that I was feasting on thoughts and scribbling down ideas of my own. Enjoy the hodge podge!

So it's January, but I feel like posting this little compilation of thoughts I put together in October before a class started.

I saw a grand thing for a bit. It was a beautiful dream, the kind that makes you step back and gasp at the wonder of it all. A picture was before me and I wanted to jump into it, to go on the journey I saw in it, like Edmund, Lucy, and Eustace in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader.

But I couldn’t jump into the picture.

As beautiful as the dream was, as much as I liked it, I found that I had to let it go. And it wasn’t that I had to drop it, scorn it, never return to it. I was simply called to move it from something I was actively moving toward to something that may be brought to me. And I find that I’m not to clutch for it, to wish to have it back more than a little, to long for it above all else. Rather, I’m simply called to pray “thy will be done” and trust that there are works for me to do in the here and now. I find blessings in these days I didn’t expect, freedom that I find surprisingly comforting.

I have been given good things. I have not been given the good thing I dreamed about, the thing I wanted. But if I fixate on that one thing I didn’t get I’ll lose all the good things I do have by neglect. So I’m diving into what I have been given, grieving the loss of a grand dream, trying not to wonder whether I’ll ever get it back.

I find there are some things I won’t be. I won’t ever be a great artist, I gave that dream up to pursue science. There are other things I may be – I may be a great scientist, a doctor, a wife, or a mother. But I doubt I’ll be all of them. And I doubt that if I had all of them I’d escape with my sanity intact.

But there are some things I know that I will be. I will always love children. I will always be a daughter, a sister, a friend. I will always be curious, a lover of learning and discovering. I will always love traveling and going on adventures. And, best of all, I will always be a daughter of the King, known and loved by the one who made the world.

And I find there is only one whom I can trust with my dreams. For he has promised never to leave me or forsake me, that his plans are for prospering, bringing hope and a future. He has promised that he’s always working for the good of those he loves, and I know that he loves me! He has proven himself faithful on countless occasions and in a myriad of ways. So why not trust him with my little hopes and dreams? The little that I have is being brought to the altar once again to be refined by the great artist. Let him do as he wills, who am I, a mere creature, to talk back to the creator? I only wish to be faithful to whatever he task he sets before me.

This poem has meant a lot to me since I found it a few weeks ago in an anthology of Amy Carmichael's Poems. It's called Discipline.

"Who frames his God

As One whose love unstern

Has never wrought for Man a fiery law,

Has never scourged the son whom he received

Whose holiness does not burn

Against iniquity-

He has conceived

What is not. For no myth, God's awful Rod.

Dost doubt it? Go to Calvary.

See there what angels saw,

The sinless One made sin.

Dost doubt it still? Well, be it so,

But know,

Within

All is not well with thee."

Search me, my God;

Seek to the very ground

Of this my shifting and deceptive heart;

Probe keenly, prove me, and examine me,

O God, and see

Whether in rooms within me set apart

From casual search be found

That which requires Thy Rod.

Look well, look well, my God.

Thus pondering, I prayed

By Christ's good grace;

And in a secret place

Was made aware

Of piled up debris, stubble of desire

Vain-glorious, foolish, fuel for the fire

That must burn where

God's righteous judgements are made known to me.

Fell swiftly then

The Rod of God

But I , surprised

Uncomprehending, blamed

The happenings of my day. Had they conspired

To harass me unkindly? Innocent me?

Till suddenly

That bitter thing, the greatly undesired,

That smiting makes ashamed,

I saw. Thus being chastised,

God's Rod I recognized.

I saw Him who my times

Revere, obey;

I saw Him in my day,

Now evident

To quickened conscience to which circumstance

Is no mere play of irresponsible chance,

But planned intent.

Oh, then I did my holy God adore,

Who was before

Unrecognized.

Thus, my kind Father, God,

Did use His Rod

Which is no myth but veriest verity.

He who of old time wrote

That he would smite, now smote.

Yet never, never has He dealt with me

After my sins, or my iniquity

Had ended me.

Oh Father, Thou

Before whom, in my spirit I do bow,

Stripped naked of my hideous vanity,

I own Thee just, I own Thee Fatherly.

I bless Thee that Thou didst not let me go

Undealt with, as too trivial to know

Severity of scourging. This thy work

Continue, Father, for I would not lurk

An unregarded child, undisciplined;

But, knowing I have sinned,

Oh, let me know I am forgiven. Art

To palliate sin flies from me; Father, right

Are these Thy judgements; therefore smite.

Oh Love, made manifest in this Thy Rod,

My God, my God.

Some thoughts from this morning

Right now, I feel like I’m sitting on a hilltop with a few of my dearest of friends. It is nighttime and the stars are out. The moonlight shines on the valley, making things that would be invisible possible for us to see. At the bottom there is a sweet little town, full of people bustling about their little busy lives. And two by two, we watch a man come to a woman take her hand, and walk down into the valley. We sit and watch rejoicing. We wonder whether anyone will come for us. We wonder whether we will be able to choose someone. We wonder if we are capable of loving as they are at all. But mostly we rejoice, or at least, we struggle to rejoice. We know that our God has given us our time on the hilltop and that while the journey into the valley is wonderful, it is also long and hard. We know that disobedience is not an option and we have felt Him say, “wait.” We have seen a grand thing from the hilltop, but we are content to stay there in today because it is where we have been placed by the Great Author. And oh, we love to read his stories. We love to act our parts in his great drama. We ache to be faithful. Sometimes we talk about these things, sometimes we only feel them deep inside. And so, watching and wondering in the summer nighttime, we sit together, enjoying the companionship of today. We on the hillside have been given the gift of each other even as those walking down have been given their partner. It is beautiful.

Before I go return to Ochem and Spanish vocabulary words, I'd like to include a passage from my friend Oswald Chambers' devotional My Utmost for His Highest that has been challenging me.

Worship is giving God the best that He has given you. Be careful what you do with the best you have. Whenever you get a blessing from God, give it back to Him as a love gift. Take time to meditate before God and offer the blessing back to Him in a deliberate act of worship... God will never let you hold a spiritual thing for yourself, it has to be given back to Him so that He may make it a blessing for others... The measure of the worth of our public activity for God is the private profound communion we have with Him. Rush is wrong every time, there is always plenty of time to worship God. Quiet days with God may be a snare. We have to pitch our tents where we shall always have quiet times with God, however noisy our times with the world may be. There are not three stages in spiritual life - worship, waiting, and work. Some of us go in jumps like spiritual frogs, we jump from worship to waiting, and from waiting to work. God's idea is that the three should go together. They were always together in the life of Our Lord. He was unhastening and unresting. It is a discipline, we cannot get into it all at once. - January 7th Reading

May you know his peace that passes understanding. May it guard your hearts and minds in our dearest Lord, Christ Jesus

Jo

Leaving...

I have, on several occasions since being back in Kenya found myself attempting to write a blog about it. I have also always failed. But as I sit here in a guest house in Nairobi waiting for bed to come, listening to music, and reflecting on all that has been this summer, I find myself sitting here typing.

This summer, oh my, what a time it's been! A grand adventure. From feeding a sweet little kilo baby at the beginning of my trip, to handing out food bags to kids in a clinic, to observing (and even scrubbing in on) surgeries, to conducting to studies and experiencing all of the craziness that comes with trying to do a chart review in rural Kenya, to using a drill to make spacers for inhalers with coke bottles, to visiting orphanages and hanging with the kids, to teaching a bunch of little ones in english with swahili translation when most of them speak only Kipsigis. All of those wonderful moments will stay with me forever.

And yet, the experience that was richest, the thing that sticks out as the most beautiful of this summer is being able to become a part of the family I lived with. To go from hello in June to tearful goodbyes this morning. To loving them first as strangers and then as beloved family. Caring for the kids for two weeks with another college student as my personal life blew up was one of the craziest things I've ever done. It was a great time of learning and growing. I loved it, despite the fact that it was hard.

I said my goodbyes this morning. It was strange, leaving. Even now, it doesn't seem as though I won't be back for who knows how long, if ever. I want to say "I'll see you in June" but I don't have leave to do that yet. How strange an experience this is.

At the end, as I get ready to board a plane willingly but sadly. It isn't that I don't love college (or university, as I seem to be calling it these days under the influence of many Kenyans and Canadians) and it isn't that I don't love being with my family back in the states. Kenya quickly has become home in more ways than I could describe. Leaving home, I'm finding, is always hard. I don't enjoy being uprooted just as I was settling into a routine and really getting into stride.

I have loved this summer. I have been loved this summer. What a joy it is to be able to say that. If I had known what joys and sorrows, what encouragement and trial I would find, I don't know if I would have laughed or cried. I have done both many times in these last few days. What a journey, an adventure. I am different for going to Kenya. I know Kenya did more good to me than I did to Kenya, but that's totally okay.

A few weeks ago I went on a safari and really enjoyed the time getting a little rest and relaxation. On our first drive through the Mara, under the sort of sunset that you see in The Lion King, after seeing animals I'd only seen in zoos, I stood perched up on the seat, leaning back, the wind in my hair, stretching out my arms. All I could think of was how glorious a moment it was. And glorious was the word for it. That moment, I think, best encapsulates my time in Kenya. It has been a glorious experience. Not easy, but always good.

And why do I say that? I can only respond that I know the one who brought me to Kenya and that he has richly blessed me. And I rejoice in the fact that the one who took me to Kenya is the same one who brings me back to the US. To quote a great man named Jim Elliot, "live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God." And so to you all, I can only say - obey. When he asks you to trust him with the things you hold dearest, withhold nothing from him. He may take them, but he will never leave you empty handed. For he has given you himself, free for the asking. He has not promised us that the road will be easy, but he has promised that he will be with us, that he knows the plans he has for us, that he himself will light the way, and that at the end, on that truly glorious day, more glorious than anything we could ever imagine, all things will be made new.

Therefore I urge you, brothers and sisters, to offer your bodies, your lives, all you hold dear, as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God. This is your spiritual act of worship. (Romans 12:1, NIV and with additions from Joanna.)

My love to all of you in the one who loves us all,

Joanna