I realized today that I'll be leaving for Africa in 30 days.
It feels so soon! During the winter it was a far away reality that I rejoiced over, but that almost felt too remote to be real. Today, though, I feel the realness of it acutely. I am going to Africa. And I'm leaving soon.
The reality of the trip is exciting. I've longed to go for so long, I can't believe that the moment when I'll actually get to spend a good amount of time abroad has come, but the reality of it is also terribly overwhelming. I went over parasites in my "Infectious Disease in the Developing World" class, and I found it to be more than I could handle. I worry that I won't be able to handle what Kenya has to offer - that I won't be worthy of the task set before me. I worry that my hope - to help bring justice to people, to act with mercy, and to give dignity - won't be a reality. I worry that I'll be a hindrance, not a blessing. I worry that the kids I teach won't have anything to learn from me. I worry that I won't be prepared, that I'll miss a deadline. In the immediate, I worry that I won't finish this quarter strong, that I'll miss the mark and end up without the grade I wanted and with weaker relationships than I hoped for. There is much to be concerned about, but I remember that the reason I'm going isn't about me.
I'm not going to Africa to save it. Africa has already been saved. Kenya has already been saved.
That reality - the fact that the world has ALREADY been saved is where I strive to place my hope. I cannot hope in the justice of the government, in my ability, or in anything else. I can only hope in the one who loves Kenya so much more than I do, whose heart aches for the kids far more than mine ever could. I am not called to save Kenya, I am called to tell the Kenyans I meet about the one who loves them.
Well, I have to go to Chemistry lab, so I'll write again later with specifics for the trip and more on my motivation for going.
Grace and Peace.
My dear Friend, I read your blog and you inspire me! I live in Africa. Well South Africa which isn't exactly the same as Kenya. I've never known anything else. Africa is dark, but there is Hope. Africa sees Hope and the moment the find true Hope the are passionate about Him.
ReplyDeleteWhat i do know is that with your attitude and perspective on your purpose here, you won't go wrong, and you won't fail. Your heart is close to Christ's heart, and that is all that matters. Do your best, but like you told be: If God needs me to have good grades and i give it my best, He will be Faithful!
I look forward to keeping track of your physical and emotional journey.
Love,
Lindi